:: Chris Turner's Journal ::

:: Monday, May 31, 2004 ::

Just testing PhotoBlogging! 

:: Plod 22:25 [+] ::
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Time to Blog

Finally, I have time to Blog again! Maybe now I can finally get back into the swing of things. Well, where do I start?

A couple of months ago, I started going out with a girl called Gemma. She was a lovely girl - funny, charming and pretty to boot. She had many very similar interests to me and enjoyed the same things. We went on the London Eye together, lazed around in various parks on sunny afternoons (and some not so sunny), went to the theatre - all sorts of couple-y things. The cunning readers among you will note that I talk about her in the past tense. Indeed, we are finished.

Gemma ultimately turned out to be a rather insecure control freak. A couple of nights after we'd started going out, I received an email from a girl called Mary - someone I'd met on a "Speed Dating" evening I went on with my mates for a laugh (incidentally, where I'd also met Gemma). Since we'd obviously been a "match", I figured we'd probably have something in common, and we mooted the idea of meeting up for a drink. Nothing serious or heavy - just a friendly drink. As far as I was concerned, Gemma was my girl and nothing would change that. I even told Gemma as we were laying in bed one day that I was meeting up with her - and then Gemma freaked out completely. It turned out that Mary was also one of her friends.

She was upset, and I apologised - but she didn't really seem to want to understand what I was saying. When I left Sheffield, I left behind a lot of my friends and most of us are scattered all over the country. Sure, I've met some great people at UCL, but I'm always interested in meeting new people. Gemma went apeshit because Mary has a "reputation". Naturally, I reassured her time and time again that it was nothing more than a friendly drink - the same as I'd arranged with her all that time ago. She didn't believe me (so it seemed) that I was a one-woman guy. Eventually, I persuaded her (or so I thought) and we spent the rest of the night together. I promised that the Mary-thing would go no further, and that the matter was laid to rest. Normal boy-girl stuff ensued, and everything was back to normal.

The next Friday, I turned up at Gemma's expecting to spend another nice evening with my girlfriend. Instead, she gave me a lecture on how she didn't trust me anymore and that we were finished. I couldn't even get a word in edgeways. I'd been written off as "opportunistic" and "thoughtless". That hurt - a lot. I packed my stuff and left, with Gemma in tears claiming that "we weren't supposed to end like this". I wasn't going to give her the drama she wanted. I was hurt - I'd apologised before, and was sincere - but she didn't want to hear that. Gemma wanted me to grovel and break down, and I wasn't going to do that. Sure, I could see why she'd taken the Mary-thing badly, but I couldn't understand how she'd written off my feelings for her so easily. Gemma had disregarded everything I'd ever said - about how I thought she was a truly special girl, about how I cared for her, about how I wanted "us" to work, and how I only wanted her. That was the end of a beautiful thing, and it had come out of nowhere.

Since then, Gemma has been trying to get me back. I've been bombarded with emails and text messages, but the truth is I'm not interested anymore. I've been hurt badly, again. It was painful to be told "I don't trust you", for nothing. As far as I'm concerned, once something like that's been said, it's too late. You can never really rebuild from that. I'd agreed to meet her face-to-face today to settle this once and for all, but sadly I had to cancel yesterday at short notice owing to a family tragedy. I apologised to Gemma (hey, I managed it twice in the same text message) and told her I would have to make it next week - but, as I suppose could be expected, she jumped down my throat. Apparently, I have "no idea what this is doing to her emotionally" and obviously wasn't serious about meeting her. Right. So, I wrote back and told her in a little more detail what had happened. I'd figured first time around that she'd take my word for it that I'd been unavoidably called away and would accept an apology - but clearly not. Remember, I'm evil Chris and nothing I say is the truth. I never cared for her, I never told her the truth, and I regarded her as a notch in my bedpost. I wanted to fuck all her friends and mess with her head, because that's what I get off on. You see where I'm coming from?

Anyway, I got a phone call immediately after that message. She sounded upset, like she'd realised she'd screwed up. Er, yeah. Even then, it was still really my fault because I hadn't told her straight away what the problem was. Well, sorry - family's family, and you ain't it Gem. Nor will you ever be. To reinforce the point, she even sent one final text message blaming me for not telling her my great aunt had died immediately. "When you're in a hole, stop digging" I believe is the phrase.

Gemma is expecting an email when all this is over telling her that we can meet up. I think after all this, and in light of recent events, she's more likely to get one telling her that I never want to see her again. I don't feel anything for her anymore. I can't cope with her insecurities, and I can't be with someone who doesn't believe me when I tell them I want to be with them. That's the long and the short of it.

Me & Gemma? We're history. Period.

:: Plod 09:03 [+] ::
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Cool Music Site

I just discovered a cool music site over at Audioscrobbler.com - it's a really good way of finding other artists and music you'll like, as well as meeting fans of your favourite artists! Have a look for Strangely_Brown and you'll see the kind of stuff I listen to!

:: Plod 22:47 [+] ::
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Liz is a Dyke

Turns out Liz was a lesbian after all. She just fucked Gordon's ex-girlfriend Dina.

Woopie doo.

I guess that means our relationship counted for nothing. Every time we were in bed together over all those years, she was wishing it was with a woman.

:: Plod 00:03 [+] ::
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