:: Chris Turner's Journal ::

:: Saturday, May 31, 2003 ::

More revision

I'm supposed to be back on the revision trail again - two more exams (9th - 11th June) to go until I graduate. My writing has been suffering these last few days, and I think I should get back on with the Music Box very soon before the freshness of it all is lost. Tennyson used to leave poems under his bed for months half-finished because he said it gave them time to mature - in other words, if he came back to them after a period away and still felt they were good, they probably were. A lot of stuff gets written impulsively - I'm no exception to that - and a lot of it's junk.

I went to see The Edge of Darkness last night with Liz down at the Lyceum. It was a good production (far better than Could It Be Magic?), but not earth-shattering. I don't think it'll be making the London stages anytime soon, but it has potential. I enjoyed it, and it wasn't pretentious - that's all that matters. Liz is also far better than she was earlier on in the year, which makes for a very pleasant occasion altogether. These last few weeks, we really have been patching up our relationship - it's like the good old days. Of course, I don't mean my ex-Liz - we're just the same as ever. From time to time, I think that I still fancy her - but when she starts talking about her job (insurance clerk), I just fall asleep. There's only so many ways that filing claims can be made interesting.

Tomorrow is Jo's barbecue, so I'd better get down to the shops and get something to bring. Chris is off paintballing, so as usual with the shopping, he's no use. It'll be good to see everyone - and probably like that for the last time. As the days towards graduation are drawing in, I do feel a degree of sadness at leaving Sheffield behind. London's my home, and I love it more than anything, don't get me wrong - but I've had the best 3 years of my life up here in this city. Hundreds of miles from home and totally unlike home, its been fantastic. I couldn't live here, though. Give me a nice southern girlfriend and my home city, and I'll be content for life.

Everything always boils down to woman trouble 8) Maybe next year when I have a little more time!

:: Plod 15:01 [+] ::
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Sham Christian?

I've seen and done things which the others wouldn't be proud of. I'm not as strong or as sure as them, and I feel like I'm living a lie sometimes even when I don't want to. I can make myself believe I want all these things, and yet deep inside I know I'm still the same old me. I've tried and tried, but I couldn't confront any of them about anything. Even Stokesy couldn't believe my past, and he thought he knew it all. For all the open-mindedness of the CU, they can't even bring themselves to talk about things which upset them. What a crock of shit.

I'm no child murderer, rapist or anything like that...far from it (I don't even have a record)... but I feel like a wolf in sheep's clothing. None of them would understand, they'd just bullshit on about demons and stuff. No use, no help. I want to be a good person...but I enjoy my vices. Too much for my own good. But does anyone listen? Do any of them care? No. So long as they're alright and they feel good about themselves, that's all that matters.

There...my thoughts. I'm off to bed - it's late.

The birds are singing outside my window.

:: Plod 04:00 [+] ::
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Exam Day

Have you ever seen me up this early in the morning in your life? My head is all muzzy...I need a shower to wake me up properly.

I have a 3-hour exam starting in just under 2 hours. Here goes!

:: Plod 07:42 [+] ::
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Revision

Bloody exams on Tuesday - "Rethinking History". I really don't want to think about it all that much at the moment - everyone else seems to have finished already for the summer, and I'm still stuck here in Sheffield hitting the books. I wish I'd finished a couple of weeks ago. I've loved uni, don't get me wrong, and I'm ready to move on from Sheffield, but I'm keen to move on and start my MA - I feel like I don't need exams to prove I'm capable :)

Scriptwriting is progressing nicely, but to the detriment of my other work - you'll have noticed that I've hardly updated my poetry archive. Mostly, this is due to other project work, but also because I haven't had any poetic thoughts for a while. All my creative energy is going into "The Music Box" and the formation of Rather Good Productions, but if I get some time I may pen a few thoughts. There's also been a bit of a decrease in visitor traffic recently - no doubt due to the onset of summer. Mayber I should start advertising more. Having said that, this was always intended to be a place for me to scribble down my thoughts - one day, maybe my children will discover this little corner of the internet and see what kind of a nutcase their father really was :)

:: Plod 14:33 [+] ::
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Could it be Magic?

Such was the title of a play I went to see tonight. It was fucking awful...quite easily the worst play I have ever seen in my life. It was neither entertaining nor artistic, a collection of meaningless, overstated, pretentious dialogue...no characterisation, no discernible plot, and no regard for the interests of the audience. The company, Unlimited Theatre, produce all their own stuff, and there were a few creative insights in the set design, but on the whole I loathed this production. I know the Crucible Studio is probably known for these sorts of productions, but I doubt "Could it be Magic?" will ever make it further than a few fringe studios.

Other than that, Blogger seems to be going screwy...I guess because they're updating the system or something to make it more reliable (ha ha).

:: Plod 00:21 [+] ::
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3 Projects

My apologies for not updating my journal much these last few days. I've got three huge tasks on the go at the moment: Exam revision, scriptwriting ("The Music Box"), and website designing. I'll try and keep people better informed as I do.

The website will be accepting submissions for all forms of writing - short stories, scripts for film, television and stage - and, dare I say it, poetry. Most websites, agents and publishers don't accept poetry for the simple reason that 99% of it won't sell, but I'm prepared to take a risk. However, if my bandwidth and storage space is quickly eaten up by loads of trashy poetry, I will quickly abandon the service. Anyway, more on that later...but get your pen warmed up :)

"The Music Box" is progressing nicely - I think it's the best plot I've ever conceived. I'm confident I'll be able to get it put on show by the university theatre company or drama studio when I get down to London - I can't imagine they're flooded with quality scripts. Shane said I should believe in my own work more, so that's exactly what I'm doing! I hope to begin work on it properly in the near future - by which I mean actually writing up the script. At the moment, I have a synopsis, scene by scene progression, character list and assorted snippets of dialogue, so bringing it all together will be a challenge. I also hope to hook up with a writing circle in London somewhere, which I'm sure will be able to provide me with valuable advice and suggestions.

And exam revision...ohhh boy. Exam revision. I'm never unduly worried by exams - I'm going to have to take them no matter how much I panic - but it can be quite a stressful time for everyone. I'm going to tidy this place up and make it a little more work-like in the hope that it'll inspire me to do more work. Anyway, keep the comments coming in...I do read them, and I like to interact with the people who read my journal :)

:: Plod 14:25 [+] ::
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PHP and SQL Web Development

*burbles incoherently*

After literally weeks of learning, I have finally created a working database. All it does is allow people to join the site, so I don't have to manually add each person's details, but its taken me ages to get there. PHP and SQL are not meant for creative types...just computer nerds! I have a pile of manuals and notes, and I've destroyed my room with clutter just to bring the project even this far. God knows what I'm going to do to get the site 'live'!

Other writing is progressing steadily, but I took a break last night. It was Stokesy's 20th down at the Varsity, so I went and made an appearance. We went on to FROUK, clubbing until the early hours of the morning, which was good - though there was this prick called Steve who couldn't dance, wobbled like a jelly, and spent the whole damn night looking like a total dick playing air guitar. It's one thing to do it when you're in your room alone listening to Nirvana or Metallica, but in the middle of a crowded bar? Do me a favour!

I'm busy with Matt this evening, probably not doing much, but it should be fun. I don't fancy a busy evening - I've got another one of them tomorrow...and next week is the beginning of revision for those all-important finals, of course. I need a 2:1 to get into UCL to do my MA (Modern History), which I'm pretty confident of getting, but I still have to work for it. Only a few more weeks, though, and it'll all be over.

On that note, I'm off to cook dinner and begin perusing through Richard J. Evans' fascinating book, "In Defence of History" (yawn). Has to be done, though.

:: Plod 18:55 [+] ::
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Long Overdue Update

Its been a while since I last scribbled in my journal, so I thought I'd take some time out to do so.

I've been almost totally consumed in two projects over the last week, writing a production ("The Music Box") and a website, hopefully due to launch soon, which will serve as a useful resource for writers all over the world to showcase their works and to have them performed, staged, read, etc, all working as one big collective. Watch this space.

I lost out on two nights' sleep this week because of my writing...it was totally obsessive. When I'm in the "zone", I just can't stop. I have to keep going and going. Equally, there are times when I won't touch a piece for days or even weeks. Many people ask me how long it takes to write something, and seem a little surprised when I tell them it can be a matter of minutes, hours, weeks, months or years. There really is no standard pattern.

I haven't got any more chunks of poetry to post at the moment, since my other works are taking up my writing time, but I'll be sure to add some as soon as they happen.

:: Plod 17:11 [+] ::
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What a Night!

That's all I have to say...it was great to see everyone, and lots of people turned up :) If you weren't there, you should have been!

It was great...but now I'm very sleepy. See you all soon!

:: Plod 01:27 [+] ::
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Long Weekend of Partying

Well, I've given out all the invited I can...I've seen everyone there is to see, so now all there is to do is wait and see who shows up! Saturday, Varsity Bar, 7pm, West Street, for those concerned. It should be a blast. Even Liz can make it, so that'll be the first time I've seen her in ages! I hope Chris has remembered to give out his invitations too.

No more lectures for me until Monday, by which time I should have recovered from the inevitable hangover on Sunday ;)

:: Plod 15:58 [+] ::
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Cosmetic Update

Just a small change to the comment script. I changed the template at last, and got away from that crappy 80's-style thing that I had before.

:: Plod 11:25 [+] ::
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New Poem

I've written a new poem, "Gloucester Street Girls", which you can find over at [eversong], my poetry and writing repositry. It's about a crowd of old ladies that I have to walk past every day on my way to the History department, and is split between their dialogue and the narrators observations of them and their surroundings. I hope you like it (as always).

:: Plod 10:29 [+] ::
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More Drivel

Nothing much happened today...I, erm, "acquired" a couple of new pc games to while away a few spare hours, but that's about it. I've also given out some of my party invites for Saturday.

Anyone who has ever sat through Antony Milton's lecture on "Purposes of History" will know what that does to your mind. I'm off to bed to read some more of "1984" (George Orwell). It's an absolute classic, and I highly recommend it.

On the other hand, if you know bugger all about politics (especially Stalinism), then you probably won't get much of it...but still, it's a good read.

"Whoever controls the past, controls the future; whoever controls the present, controls the past." - Winston Smith, "1984"

:: Plod 22:51 [+] ::
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Back in Sheffield

Well, after a long easter break, I'm finally back in Sheffield. I've had a headache all day - I guess its because I've been dashing around a lot lately, and now I'm returning to the student life. Typically, we've got no food at all in the house - I've just had to scratch around to make dinner - because it was far too difficult for Chris to shop ahead and actually give it 2 minutes thought. Just because he's not around doesn't mean people don't need to eat! It's not my fault that he chooses to be up at the Arts Tower until stupid hours in the morning. I did a frozen pizza for dinner, but he can cook his own...it's pointless, me cooking a crispy-based pizza (10 mins in the oven) for him to reheat it...he might as well cook it fresh himself.

I've sorted out my party invitations for next Saturday. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up with Chris some time tomorrow so he can do his too...though I doubt he'll be so organised. He's left it all to me. I guess he thinks that if he mentions something to people on Friday night, they'll all turn out en masse to a huge party on Saturday. These things don't just fall into your lap! Honestly, he really lacks organisation sometimes. I may be a little scatty and impulsive, but I'm nowhere near as disorganised as him.

Alice (other housemate) has gone off to Crete today. I guess she's flying out of Manchester - I only saw her for about 30 seconds last night because her friend she's going with was there. Her boyfriend, Claudio, is worried...by the looks of things, he certainly doesn't trust her not to get up to things with other guys out there. I know I certainly wouldn't, but then I wouldn't ever be in a relationship with a girl like Alice because that's how she is. She doesn't believe in relationships, commitment or love. I sometimes wonder if she'll end up very lonely.

That's the news on my return. I've spent the whole day slobbing out, doing absolutely nothing. I may make a couple of scribblings somewhere, but to be honest I'm not really in the mood. I like doing absolutely nothing, for once. I have the whole house to myself, and everything is beautifully quiet. I may just sit down with a good book somewhere and relax...I haven't done that in such a long time.

:: Plod 19:57 [+] ::
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Worn Out

I've had a tiring week...and will explain later. I haven't forgotten my blog, nor my writing :)

Also, if you've left any comments, I'm sorry I haven't replied...my pc access hasn't been as good as I hoped. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible in the next few days.

:: Plod 00:01 [+] ::
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